My deals are starting to perform better. Some takes me by surprise. Some blow me away. Majority however fits where they belong.
Past weeks has been great transition. I feel closed off emotionally, guarded, content and I feel the sense of excitement more often. I am not sure if this has to do wit training and thinking or a natural process. I can see both sides.
Decision on travel still stands. I was uneasy today because I realized that I signed up for full marathon for thx giving weekend. It was going to be a very important experience and I have put a lot of thought and commitment into it prior to purchase.
There are many things to be appreciated all around. I appreciate great summer. I have never played so much in one summer as this one. Perhaps I played when I was a child during the summer but I don't remember much. Perhaps I played transition between high school to college. Yes that was the last time I really played. I have forgotten what it is like to play hard. There are definitely few people who I appreciate because they all had something to do with this feeling that I am having. It feels like a accomplishment. Accomplishment that has nothing to do with the ambitions and goals that I had for myself and my life. This is new and unexpected.
I've made that deal. Deal with my ambition and happiness. Lazy with activity.
Human emotion is the most powerful tool to drive and influence an individual. It is matter of one's ability to control the emotion regardless of letting it go to its highest or hold it tight as long as possible. Which one am I? still trying to figure that out. I do know one thing is that I'm not settling. I don't want to. why? I don't know. I thought it was human nature but there are people who shows me otherwise.
I envisioned what it would be like to travel alone. I decided to take her offer and go shopping downtown. Showed up early, started to walk, wandered around, it was boring. I got hot, started to sweat. I started looking for shorts. Then shopping became fun. A goal that I believed to be needed, a problem that needs to be solved, a practical problem and solution. It makes sense in my head. This prevents from becoming tedious.
Standing up for myself again. However, I feel cautious to become my old self. I want to be right and strong, but I want to be adaptable and flexible more. I want to be confident but I want to be kind more. I want to shine and be admired, but I want the good character in me more. I want to be rich, but I want to share my life experience more. I want to be happy with my life but I want to appreciate the life more. I want the knowledge, but I want to feel the stimulation more. I want to be apathetic to people who are weaker than I am, but I want them to be inspired to become strong more. I need to sleep but I don't want to sleep. I want to run marathon, training for it day by day, challenge mentally and physically, find out more about myself who I am, but I want to train myself to make myself become who I want to become. It maybe a month or a year but I just need to make one thing clear as a primary goal. NO REGRET. Make sure that I accomplish the mean, the goal, desire, all of the above.
When I am hurting, I must hurt all the way because as time goes by, wounds scab, pain is lessened, give it some time, it all heals. Time heals all wounds. It's ok. it's meant to be. Precious life can't be all wasted for mourning because there is something more important. The joy, happiness, excitement, richness of love, stimulation, ecstasy, my own utopia, share and share some more. These are wonderful traits of life that everyone should aspire to achieve and acquire. However it is only possible with pain. Bigger and deeper the pain I go through, more and longer I remember, shapes me to become the person everyone likes, admires and respect. Pain bring maturity in me, but don't let it keep me from being true to myself. Don't let it get in the way, let it guide and build a path. That is the deal we make. Some choose to go all in on one big pot. Some deal small but often. Which one am I? which one are you?
Past weeks has been great transition. I feel closed off emotionally, guarded, content and I feel the sense of excitement more often. I am not sure if this has to do wit training and thinking or a natural process. I can see both sides.
Decision on travel still stands. I was uneasy today because I realized that I signed up for full marathon for thx giving weekend. It was going to be a very important experience and I have put a lot of thought and commitment into it prior to purchase.
There are many things to be appreciated all around. I appreciate great summer. I have never played so much in one summer as this one. Perhaps I played when I was a child during the summer but I don't remember much. Perhaps I played transition between high school to college. Yes that was the last time I really played. I have forgotten what it is like to play hard. There are definitely few people who I appreciate because they all had something to do with this feeling that I am having. It feels like a accomplishment. Accomplishment that has nothing to do with the ambitions and goals that I had for myself and my life. This is new and unexpected.
I've made that deal. Deal with my ambition and happiness. Lazy with activity.
Human emotion is the most powerful tool to drive and influence an individual. It is matter of one's ability to control the emotion regardless of letting it go to its highest or hold it tight as long as possible. Which one am I? still trying to figure that out. I do know one thing is that I'm not settling. I don't want to. why? I don't know. I thought it was human nature but there are people who shows me otherwise.
I envisioned what it would be like to travel alone. I decided to take her offer and go shopping downtown. Showed up early, started to walk, wandered around, it was boring. I got hot, started to sweat. I started looking for shorts. Then shopping became fun. A goal that I believed to be needed, a problem that needs to be solved, a practical problem and solution. It makes sense in my head. This prevents from becoming tedious.
Standing up for myself again. However, I feel cautious to become my old self. I want to be right and strong, but I want to be adaptable and flexible more. I want to be confident but I want to be kind more. I want to shine and be admired, but I want the good character in me more. I want to be rich, but I want to share my life experience more. I want to be happy with my life but I want to appreciate the life more. I want the knowledge, but I want to feel the stimulation more. I want to be apathetic to people who are weaker than I am, but I want them to be inspired to become strong more. I need to sleep but I don't want to sleep. I want to run marathon, training for it day by day, challenge mentally and physically, find out more about myself who I am, but I want to train myself to make myself become who I want to become. It maybe a month or a year but I just need to make one thing clear as a primary goal. NO REGRET. Make sure that I accomplish the mean, the goal, desire, all of the above.
When I am hurting, I must hurt all the way because as time goes by, wounds scab, pain is lessened, give it some time, it all heals. Time heals all wounds. It's ok. it's meant to be. Precious life can't be all wasted for mourning because there is something more important. The joy, happiness, excitement, richness of love, stimulation, ecstasy, my own utopia, share and share some more. These are wonderful traits of life that everyone should aspire to achieve and acquire. However it is only possible with pain. Bigger and deeper the pain I go through, more and longer I remember, shapes me to become the person everyone likes, admires and respect. Pain bring maturity in me, but don't let it keep me from being true to myself. Don't let it get in the way, let it guide and build a path. That is the deal we make. Some choose to go all in on one big pot. Some deal small but often. Which one am I? which one are you?
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