not the same day

what do you want?

I want happiness.

What is happiness?

It's a feeling.

how does it feel?

it feels good.

how good is it?

it feels comfortable, content, proud of myself, satisfied, it has its build and climax.

why do you want that?

because it feels good.

why does it feel good?

because there is no pain.

no pain no gain?!

when I'm happy, I don't feel the pain, any obstacles are challenges that I enjoy overcoming, not a road block.

What is a road block

road block creates pain, hurt, lost, don't know where to go, unclear, painful, stuck, in a rut, anxiety, wants the momentum back, , hopeless, unworthy. want solution to remove the road block. Solution to removing the road block and removing the road block is what I want. I get what I want. I feel happy when I get what I want.

What do you want?





Just another day. Not the same day.

My people are artistic and authentic. It is very difficult to distinguish who they are amongst them. It is difficult to identify or categorize who they are. One thing that is clear, they understand each other because of who they are.

 Judging is prohibited. Loving self is the ultimate strength and that is the niche. Many of them become stronger as they age because they live on their own term and become stronger version of who they are, step by step, day by day changing and building toward art; art of absolute unique oneself.

They are incredibly cool and awesome people, some part of me just cannot relate or I relate so much that I am searching for something new. Then I found out that I don't fit in anywhere. When I felt loved, I desired to be my own absolute unique who do not fit in anywhere.

It is time to identify and analyze one by one. No need to throw them all away. No need to label all of them as ego or stupid. It was a experiment, very well done research and I just need to make sure that I gather all the data too.

Choose your option. WHAT, WHY, HOW, WHEN, WHERE, WHOM


uncomfortable feeling, felt my heart open as if I am letting it in, by complimenting sincerely and meaning it, 940pm when we are tired and high, in the car driving back, ben

workout 620am.


What I felt during the day?
I want the most precious, most valuable, challenge, tough road, pressure, pushed, put myself into a misery,

I have been a nice person for a very long time.
I feel guarded. I have been guarded. For a very long time.
Now I can feel the guard. I'm not sure if it cracked or there was meaning behind the recognition.
I have been acting for a very long time.
Only I know who I am.
Link what my deepest desire to what I do when nobody is looking. Then I shall find true happiness because I will always chase after my dream My dream is my deepest desire. Shaping the person that I am, building who I am, can't fake it, because I will always know the truth, best option is no bullshit game, build my character to be the person who shall have the dream, deepest desire, chasing after it is passion, living with passion with my deepest desire. Character is staying true to myself, realistic, clear, and only I know it. Only I know what I want.