Wedding

Went to Tess and Tim's wedding reception. I saw many familiar faces.
Tess and Tim looked very happy and in my eyes it was real.
As a grown up, this has been my first time anywhere close to the wedding.
It caused me to think so many different situations, feel emotions and understand.

I saw wedding made some people moody. Some more in love with smile. Some are eager.
Which category was I?
I did not see some expected faces.

Had a great conversation with some of those people who I have respect for but due to past situations never really spent time together to have a real conversation. Reminded me of who I was to them and how I feel about interacting with them.

Why is this emotion came onto me? Best way to describe this was emptiness, no expectation, nothing, quiet, peaceful and inadequate. I wanted to cleanse, wash this away and get back to me myself. So when I heard about great rave scene on 3rd and Taylor in Portland, I was on the move immediately. I am not quite sure why I did not invite people, perhaps I didn't need their because it is not everybody's scene.

Tess' wedding reception ended at 12:30am. Got to the party by 1:00am. snuck in to EMERGENCY. 3rd and Taylor. Place was packed. Ben showed up later, turns out there was 45 dollar ticket, Ben found his own way in. It was his first rave scene. I left him alone to find his own rhythm to see if he likes and appreciates.

I was lost in couple of paintings.

at 4:19am Ben had it enough. Urged that we leave.

Hike with dogs did not go as I planned but better. It was more of scenic rides with multiple stops.

Went out to Chloe with Katy for a nice dinner and bonding time. We did not talk much, but felt very comfortable.

I found out a unpleasant truth recently. It has been bugging me since then time to time. I know how this goes and became an expert at dealing with it rationally. It is just one step closer to make everything lucid. Closure to the past has hit me with a big surprise blow but in the end it made me smile with certainty and knowing how much I have healed. scab is gone just the soft skin left.

What's next?

Keep doing what I have been doing. Play hard, work hard, study hard. Be a good one. Honest. Truth and loyal. Respect and patience. Workout, keep sculpting my body and soul. Be the person that I want then I shall attract the same people.

content?

I must be happy and content because this has been the longest break from the blog since the inception break of a year.

My life is filled with activities and things to keep me busy.
I must have been weak because it took this long to reach the mindset and physical presence of my body which I wanted to have in month 2.

I am living the life that guy from LivingSocial superbowl commercial. I remember being inspired by it too.

I feel alone. Not tied up. Not committed. Free.

It was this that all these people were telling me to enjoy and experience to the fullest.

However there are still people that I have to be committed to, honest consistently, treat with respect and love. I enjoy that because we have enough of boundary for me to feel that I am alone.

Self strength. Independence. Do it for myself.

why was this so hard for me to understand at that time. Can't lie. Those who know me see right through. Best thing to do is become that person, really do it. No fake bullshit.

Consistency is my number one focus. Consistent workout. Consistent work ethic. Consistent play.

Study hard, work hard, play hard. Do it because I love it. Make it so I love it when I know it is important rationally.

Had a fun day circus today with friends that I value and care. They must be so or feel the same way because those agreed to come. but it's more than that. there was chemistry. I would say about 80%.