Serious

gosh. it came back. morning sickness. since the lunch. why couldn't I carry on that momentum. why is morning the most difficult part of the day. perhaps it is my action signal that I must get out of the bed as fast as possible with determination. run. walk. push ups, get in the routine. You know exactly what you have to do. don't practice. just do it. do it now. come onnnnnn You CAN do this... think of all the positivity that will come out of that. Don't just talk about becoming the person you want to become. Do it in action, first cut is the deepest. associate. link the pleasure to waking up. link morning into something that I look forward to. Live passionately. Following my dream is becoming the person I want to become and that person definitely wakes up with determination and goes bed with satisfaction and sense of fulfillment. Excitement and stimulation. Most incredible amazing space to be is when I know i'm building myself and watching it accumulate. Don't be pathetic. Be a fucking Man. live life. take it to my heart. take everything in there, live the life to extreme, stretch it, get to that space only very few people have been. live on the edge. fight back. survive and thrive. revive. level up. level it up again. be thankful, be curious, feel successful, give your all, love your all, mean it, listen and care, little bit more. more. more and more. live the life to the fullest is all of the above. Knowing what I want is the fastest way to the happiness. who am I? I am linked to curiosity. Am I crazy? do I desire crazy? why do I relate to the odd ones. Am I conforming? am i weak? what are you doing 이지성 용기를 내 임마!

I remember the time dreaming about the future sitting in uncle's car, being really unhappy with my life. I was 14. Spoiled life that I had, I was unsatisfied. I did not complain. hehe and guess what. it just kept on getting worse and worse. that went on for good 3 yrs and half. really bad for a year. I think that is when I realized about sense of survival linking with independence. When I had that independence and freedom, I was very happy.

great workout with Kevin. First time in a long time feeling really sore where it hurts. squats with kevin yesterday. I have not worked out lower legs for years. I always rationalized with snowboarding, running and hiking. Now I look back, lack of lowerbody work out is why i have not mastered 360/

Katy and I had very serious long talk today. Pretty common between us. always have been. We have definitely gotten used to by living together, no since February. Today's talk was about living situation, social group, her work, herself, myself and motivation to be strong and move forward. When she first brought it up, I put up a wall, snapped.

went to the movie today. watched hangover part 2. it was not that great. perhaps I was not in a mood for laughing then got excited to feel what funny movie would do for me and set too high expectation or movie just sucked.

words with friends. foursquare. hiking, tippr. girls and a girl. friends and a friend.

saw Guys and Dolls ad on a bus. I want to go see it. I really wanted to do the lake chelan, plane ride with wine tasting groupon deal.

what is the issue with sex. what is the deal what is sex

trust.

if I think of worst in people, it hurts them

do random act of kindness to strangers
do some more
keep doing

call parents
remember to do it please.

keep working out. strive for better shape physically emotionally
but more physically
body fuels mind
keep drinking water

routine
morning routine
brad says it takes 3 weeks to build a habit
heard that somewhere else too

STUDY HARD
WORK HARD
PLAY HARD

you are not measured by the height you have risen, but the depth you have climbed
it's gonna be ok in the end, if it is not ok, then it is not the end
don't give up
it takes ability to get to the top, but it takes character to stay there
once you are on top, you are only going down

you are doing great, but you could definitely do better
I can do better
don't wish for,
maybe hope for it
definitely expect it

stay healthy. play basketball. that is your hobby that has been sleeping for too long. get it back. don't ever let go of your passion. why did you stop? find it out and don't do it again. You know yourself. you rarely make same mistake twice. keep it that way.  isn't that your principle?

만남

에비를 만낫다. 그녀는 아름답다. 삼개월 2주가 조금 넘엇다 그녀와 헤어진지. 그녀와 다시 함께 할수잇다는 생각에, 내가 잘 햇다는 그생각에, 그녀가 이제 나를 보고 싶어할거라는 생각해, 어제 나는 힘이 엄청만앗다. 내 속안데 자신감이 마구 속아나면서, 전화통화하는것도 더쉬엇고 반응도 엄청 좋아삳. 항상이렇게 행복하게 살고 싶다고 생각햇다. 나 먼저, 혼자서 스스로 이렇게 행복하게 살아야 한다.
처음으로 그녀가 낮아보엿다. 그녀가 울기시작하면서, 혼자되는게 싫다고 나한테 말햇다. 그녀가 약해보이는 순간 나는 그녀를 원하지 않앗다. 그건 잠시 동안이엇다. 그녀는 강하다. 그래서 나는 그녀가 좋다.
걱정이다 왜냐면 그녀는 혼자서 강하게 살수가 없을것 같다.
그녀는 모른다, 사귀는, 인생을 누군가하고 함께 나눈다는 경험을 산만하게 생각하고 잇다. 그녀는 모른다, 남자가좋아서 같이잇는건지 아니면 혼자잇기 싫어서 그런건지.

나를 받아주지 않을때, 그녀는 나한테 말햇다. 그녀가 나를 받아주면 이유는 그녀가 혼자잇기 싫어서이지 나를 사랑해서가 아니라고. 그녀가 나를 정말원한다면, 평생 같이 잇고 싶다면, 그녀는 결정을해야한다. 혼자살아도 괜찮지만, 내가 잇으면 더 행복하기때문에 나와 같이 잇느거라고.

한국어를 이렇게 써본지가 너무 오래됫엇다. 손가락도 잘 안 움직여 진다. 한국어를 잊으면 안되다. 이건 나에게 굉장히 중요하다. 영어도 잘 못하고, 한국어도 잘 못하면, 민감하다.

모리와 함께한 화요일을 읽기 시작햇다. 이렇게 한국어로 일기를 쓰면, 누가봐도 상관없다. 나는 이 일기를 다른사람들이 보기를 원한다. 특히 내가 모른는 사람들. 내가 아는사람들이 본다면, 나 는 그사람들이 이걸 읽는다는 말을 나한테 않해줫으면 한다.

밍감해서 그런가?

그녀와 함께하고싶다. 지금도 그녀가 어디잇는지, 누구와 대화를 나누는지 확인하고 잇다. 정말 안해야지, 하면 안되는데 하면서도, 가끔식 일을 번하고 만다. 나한테 아무 도음도 주지 않는다. 내가 그녀가 랜디와 대화를 자주 안나는걸 보면 자신감이 많이 쏫는다. 생각으로는 그녀도 와 같은 느낌을 가지고 잇을것이라고 생각한다. 그 느낌은 내가 여자애들과 같이 놀때 기분이다. 어느 여자애들과 시간을 보내도, 나는 그들에게 전혀관심이 없다. 그들과 잇어도 항상 에비생각 뿐이다. 린지하고 잇을때는 틀리다. 에비생각 안한다.
린지하고 사귀는 생각도 해봣다. 하지만 너무 늦엇다. 그녀는 에비보다 강하다. 나보다도 강하다. 내가 약해진걸까? 다시 강해질것이다. 몸부터, 그다음엔 마음까지.

Update

Chisung Happ Lee is doing great. awesome.
My trip to see the mailbox really happen. known to be dangerous amongst local trails. There was a man selling beer and dogs on top of the mailbox. He lives nearby. eight percent colorado beer. 3 bucks each. Ilan bought greg and me beer. Fozzy and Mila were champs as usual. It was very cold up top. Best part about hike is the time in the middle going up. dropping sweats like tears, not knowing when the summit is gonna show, continuous journey of up hill, looking up nothing but trees and the road that does not seem to end. Feeling of it makes me want to go faster n harder. Worst part is when the breaks are too long.
I enjoy going hikes with Ilan and Greg. They do the majority of the talking and leave the thinking to me. They are both quite of bit older than me. Interesting to hear them telling me what they were doing when they were at my age.
Sunday hike was even better. second day. Ilan and I this time. nice easy hike... steeper, steeper, Wow Crazy water fall, serious hike on four legs or on my hands. hella sketch, slippery looking area with lots of rocks and cliff. That was the best part. Taneriff was the name of the hike. hella more snow than mailbox.

Ilan and I could not decide which hike was more challenging.

Saturday night. Met up with Vanessa. Bandelro. Sopas was great dish. Mac and cheese not so much. Vanessa's positive attitude and

supposed to run in the morning. Gotta break this habit.
Ab is not done by workout, it's done in the kitchen.
No alcohol. Lots of green. No processed carb. hmmm.

I think I may have a cure for depressed fat people. A person is depressed because he is fat, eats when he is depressed. This person needs right food. But he refuses and eats food that makes him fatter. What is the reason behind. If it has to do with taste, answer is simple. Make the right food taste better than fat one.
I know how to do that.
Perhaps that is why i'm never afraid of going ab diet. All the confidence in this world. Seriously, I must look into my career in food. Somewhere in cooking, or preparation of it, tasting, restaurant,

Dirty Dave's menu will be a great one to start a restaurant business with. Add some greasy thai food and korean bbq, add the flavor of mexican. If too many mixed, it will lose identity. But perfect combination will differentiate so much that innovate and become the leader in the industry that nobody can keep up with. Kinda sounds like apple.
I remember the discussion in MKTG 480.
I miss that senior year. GReat fun at school and work.
I miss that sophmore year. Great fun off school
I miss that junior year. Great fun at home
I miss that freshmen year. Dorm. Uncertainty. New. Love

live the life full
live passionately
magnify human experience. share.
be courageous
STay humble and learn
show respect
love myself
be tuned to action signal and act everytime
wake up your brain wide everymorning
look ahead and far
stay focused
give it a meaning. Master of meaning. give a different meaning. Perspective.
positivity
selection. know what I want. knowing what I want is equally important knowing who I am.
curiosity - don't ever live without it. bring that back. hold it tight. don't ever let it go.
When I get to the top, tell myself. there is no top. only climbing. Feeling like a top is the first step towards downhill. top is a dangerous place. strive and thrive, live every moment knowing that this is a rich experience.

you have learned a lot. But not enough. you know it. I know it. We both know it. There will be many times, coming right at you, it could be tomorrow or day after, it may hit me hard. don't you give up! you did good today. It was so little but I feel accomplished. I love that feeling. Live in my name. live in the name. accomplish, get what you want, find the end to the mean, make your mean happen, desire becomes reality, achieve, dream come true.


that is me. second thing that stayed with me the longest. maybe first by now. t

I love you

I loved you today because you were positive all day. You took each step with a courage. You had many chances to be your old self, but you stopped yourself from having wild imaginations. I'm really proud of you. I loved you today because you did not assume the worst. I love you because you now know deeper and better than ever that assuming worst hurts people even if you are right and hurt you eventually.
I love you because you understand the importance of low times. I love you because you appreciate
I love you because you give it a meaning. You are patient and willing to think about situations at least once more.
You were strong today both physically and emotionally. You did not budge or shake. You knew exactly what you wanted and got it. Good job. Carry this momentum and keep going. Don't ever stop.

Do not forget this moment rest of your life. Remember where you came from. You are not measured by the height you have risen, but the depth you have climbed. Listen for the signal. Be prepared for them. Do not deny your emotion, embrace it fully. It is ok if you fall. If you fall on your face it is because you are at least moving forward.

Impact. Power. Respect. Ecstasy. 

Take action

Uncomfortable: impatient, mildly embarrassed

Fear: concern, anxiety, scared, terrified,

Hurt: sense of loss

Frustration, held back, hindered in the pursuit of something

Anger: irritated, resentful, furious, rage

Lonely: alone separate apart from

Disappointment: defeated
Guilt: regret
Inadequacy: less than, unworthy
Overloaded: overwhelmed, hopeless depressed

Message: something needs to change

Emotion

Step 1. Identify the meaning. Identify the Emotion.
Step 2. Appreciate the feeling. Gift of life. Alive. Natural. Embrace it
Step 3. Act

Alex Flores

There are many things that I can relate in what he says. Only the person who really went through that experience of loss can relate.

Strong he is. Emotionally and physically. I always wondered why he let so few to his wonderful chamber of eternal happiness. He guards it hard.

His never dying bright smile and drive towards connection to happiness. His absolute truthfulness sincerity and honesty are the characters that I look up to him the most.

It is a such a joy ride even when I am not even speaking to you.

I am instantly attracted to you by the way you live with passion. It is most healthiest addiction I have. Passion wins all and you never seem to lose it. It changes one thing to another, I don't know how long you keep at it, but I do know when you tell me that it is for real.

I love you because you are a good person with desire for good deeds in the world. I may still be naive and immature to think of bad deed, you are gentle and kind to not to point out. When I realize my bad, you instantly agree with confidence and make me want to grow as a someone who seeks world peace.

I am glad we can talk about anything and everything. There are times we feel insecure that we may tell a vague story with the topics we never covered before. I appreciate the fact that we have trust and courage to lean on our faith to friendship. I love that our vague stories become lucid as we discover more about each other. I love seeing us grow more as men, mature and grown up.  I feel comfortable around you.

I love the place where you are at. It gives me a hope. It gives me the confidence. You show me how I should be acting and behaving right now.

Master of Meaning

For the first time in my life. I looked in the mirror told my self  'I love you' I felt very weird. awkward. I wanted to stop but I kept at it. If I don't love myself, I can't love anyone else.

Lately, I find myself eating the things that I have never had in a long time. I bought a plain yogurt the other day. It was so strange. I very rarely ever buy yogurt. yet alone plain yogurt. I bought one of those medium size one. I don't know why. I just had the urge. About week and a half, I found myself eating egg and toast in a car on the way to work. That was the only time I did that on my own.

Relationship is a place where I go to share. Relationship is a place to give, not to get. If I start keeping track of what I gave and got. It becomes a transaction, not a relationship. The main purpose of relationship is to magnify human experience. Relationship is tricky. It is a vehicle. it is more fragile than raw egg. Relationship gives greatest joy of life and pain that it loses meaning of life.

Focus: do it because I want to not because I have to.

Meaning: Everything in life must grow or die.

If the relationship is not growing, then it is done. It must constantly improve.  There is no shortcut.  Seeking growth will carve a pathway to sculpt the soul and mind and eventually something deep, extraordinary relationship.

 Be honest with myself. Be healthy.

Learn from and Relate to Sigmund Freud, sucking on Cigar while teaching oral fixation. sometimes cigar is just a cigar. Don't make up things in my head. Learn to ask quality questions
"What is this MEAN?"
what meaning do I attach to?
come up with positive meaning as many as negative meanings.
don't stack negative meanings only.
Showing negative emotions only pushes her away because she can't relate to me. balance it in my head. do not assume the worst because then I will injure the relationship. attacking my own ship, my own team mate.
Do I want to be right or do I want to be loved? what is most important in relationship.
Empowering meaning and master of meaning is about responding with both negative and positive emotion.

If express negativity upon you. I am teaching you that calling me equals pain. it only creates bigger gap between us

What is my ideal relationship? Who was I today? make the day to be a victory. Quality of life is the direct proportion to the relationships that I create.

Universal Purpose of Relationship is? Magnify human experience. Experiencing on my own is phenomenal but sharing that with someone who cares about it is exponential.

connection of spirit, challenge, variety, communicate, to share, to grow, to understand, to experience,

community is not about dumping data to someone. It is about giving and sharing. There is a life. If I am not sharing, then I am not in a relationship.

Having edge over you, threats, hitting your weak spot, only make you feel insecure, associate bad feelings that you do not want in your life. it becomes control mode than relationship.

expand my ability to enjoy life. facing pain is inevitable. giving me uncertainty will always be there.

Come to the relationship with open mind, new set of possibilities.
Relationship is about unity. it's about how we move forward with each other.

I must make a decision which emotion is going to be more dominant in my relationship. Knowing that this is a place that I go to give, not to get.

No rules. Do not enforce rules on us. Rules do get broken. You know its true with me. No rules. Because if I break a rule, you are in reaction and therefore you will be unhappy. there is a better way. Its time for you to open up. We both are nervous, maybe afraid. One foot at a time,

first step toward becoming a good listener is caring and eye contact. Listening to you is part of joy. Living this life. What is a life without sharing? We are sharing every piece of us. I want to hear everything. Nothing is tedious, I want to hear all the mundane things you did today as well as how you felt about them. We are constantly changing and adopting everyday. we can't describe who we are but through our actions, by knowing and understanding our motive for actions and feelings afterwards explains who we are and why we do what we do. I never get tired of it. I'm sorry if I made you feel like I did not want to listen. I was full of myself. Lack of respect for the world. got too cocky of meaning of life.

we are all independent individuals. what we attract and get attracted is deep within us.

ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS: ask this question

'If I want to make that person feel completely loved by me, what would I do?'

tell you how great you are. big smile on my face. Tell you great things I did too. Connect with you. before that, connect with myself first.

For me to commit to this, I must give it a meaning.
asking quality questions get you quality answers which gets you quality life.

need to connect and love. certainty and uncertainty. significant.
no sharing shuts things down.
Dishonesty closes the door.

why not always be happy...There will always be bad things happening in life might as well just smile be happy right:)   -Alicia Spalding


Happiness is attitude   -Lindsey Wilson

What is the most important factor for having a quality relationship with someone else?

SELECTION - selecting the qualities of you need in a relationship.

Phases in relationship.
1. honeymoon
2. deep love
3. questioning

Phase 4? both people share similar nature that compliment each other:belief, values and goals. it is not a picture perfect. It is acceptance of each other for who they are. each other do not complete each other, compliment. This is absolute trust and honesty in each other. commitment for each other.

What I want in partner is commitment and certainty. Then why do I desire for uncertainty in my life? have I been saying it all along without believing in it? What uncertainty do I really desire?


Stress is driven by fear. Human being's Primary Fear: I am not enough. I won't be loved.

I love you because...

You know how to make someone feel loved not just by saying "you are great" but saying reasons for greatness.
You are strong.
You know how to survive. You started this long time ago. You are used to it.
You know how to strive
You have a good heart
You are a good person
You are ambitious
You aspire to be different.
You smile
You are not insecure about your physical attributes that you can't change.
You fight back against the challenge.
You love your parents and happy with them.
You are honest with yourself
You know what is important
You strive to be better
You learn your lesson
You are adaptable
You can change
You can make a change
You can feel guilt

More/Less

My oh so worried weekend turned out to be a great one! Some chill time with myself to read and recollect my brain. Usually, I found myself listening to counselors online on relationship and personal building when I am alone.

I always know exactly what I have to do to get myself to become the person that I want, need, should and must be. Because I know my motive for action 90% of the case, follow through is quite smooth once I commit.

It all comes down to planning. Despite what other people say, I am a great planner when it comes down to fulfilling my own desires. So I did. I wanted to go for a run and then go to the dog park. Since I do not want to be completely alone, I found me a friend. His name is Anthony Robbins.!! The motivational, action coach who reminds me of who I am and what I believe. He lectures on things that I used to lecture to my branch managers.  He even uses the same quotes I used :)

"A Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment"

Plan 1. transfer Tony Robbins into my ipod.
Plan 2. Catch up on my reading for Adversity advantage and hacker news
Plan 3. Run

Plan 4. Dog Park.

Pleasant surprise comes in package! Katy and Fozzy decided to join Mila and I. What I lovely surprise and got me real excited. I really enjoy spending time with Katy. Past two months we have really bonded. I believe it is because she likes to share and I have learned the value of sharing. She becomes my coach on coping mechanism and perspective from experience. I give her my voice of experience 'we see things as we are not as they are'

I really like the fact that how much she loves James. I really adore it. However, James and I don't have much to say to each other.

Sunday was even more exciting. Complete full day of fun!

Had a meeting with lawyer to go over operating agreement which turned out to be a big pile of mess because I did not do it right. Mixed up independent contractor agreement with operating. More like got myself confused.  Next version he shall look at should be better. My content dealing with money between co-founders were not complete.



Ben and I went on a hike. MailBOX, the steepest hike you can find along i90. I had no idea I did not want to go further east. I did not want to be around crowds of people. so I decided to go on adventure, just drive towards the mountain and see what happens. We eventually ended up on this hike called 'mailbox' which we ignored, did not pay attention to the warning sign and continued. 2.5miles 4000 feet elevation is what we've read when we came down along with rescue team story. Indeed it was dangerous because it was extremely steep and wet and slippery due to snow. However, this is the exact type of hike I have been looking for all along. Mila and Fozzy were champs! Fozzy was loaded with spring, Mila carried her own hiking bag pack and carried herself no problem. I was sweating like a pig, but loved how the mountain was making my legs feel! Sadly, Ben could not keep up. Later he told that he really enjoyed it and felt great. As usual, Ben and I had very deep conversation about life and self-respect, losing weight, clarity on life, artificial intelligence, Tony Robbins, human interaction, etc



After dropping off Ben, I went to go meet up with Jamie. It was so great to see her. Reminded me of our past and all the great times. I gave her a huge hug. We got past our awkward moment at the starbucks and then went for a walk to discovery park. It was a  long walk but we had a great time. We laughed, joked, and shared our stories of missing 3 years of stories. She is currently moving. She will be living in capitol hill, I suspect we will be seeing each other much frequently from now on. She left her jacket in my car, so definitely will see her in short time. I was glad to see her having more energy and loose. I hope she carries that, before she was way too boring.

More news on today. VJ decided to put a hold on AppMe. I was very disappointed but it gives me a chance and time to really focus on Tippr. Tippr training ended today. I have San Franciso Market, along with Facebook and NBC. There are low number of subscribers than I would like.  However, I could make a big difference by leveraging NBC and Facebook brand awareness and popularity.  I created many accounts on major deal sites under chi.lee@tippr.com along with salesfore, wiki.tippr.com and created a new google voice number with 510 area code.

I am bummed by the fact that I have to return iPad. I think I will buy a iPad2. Debating whether I want the wireless or just wi-fi.

This week is very full. Tomorrow Seolah is coming up. Possibly hanging with Lindsey too but with her flaky behavior, greater chance she will blow it off. Wednesday is a deep house cleaning day with roommates, possible date with Jamie if I call her. Alicia is spending the night on thurs. Big fat steak dinner with @rick's on friday. hopefully some clam digging time on the weekend. Gonna have to change my workout time to be early morning.

BEST NEWS!!!

Mathias is finally on board and fully committed. He gave me so much doubt when I was interviewing him that I was nervous afterwards. He even tried to turn down the contract on Friday! Anyways,  now I have a complete team to really push the app. Who knows, I might actually be able to launch it in summer which will give us a huge opportunity, leveraging high productivity. Mathias does not do php, decided to write the API with Java. It should be interesting. We had almost two hours of chat over pint of beer. We had so many things in common other than fact that he likes dry humor. I like them too but I can't create one.

I have very very different personality type in this team. This is going to require next level of challenge in leadership that I have never experienced.