I feel detached not only from materials but from people as well.
I had this emotional detachment some time ago. It was between oct 2010 and feb 2011.
It happened in 2000
it happened in 2005
but this time its different because I do not have anyone to be detached from. sure there some friends from states that I still talk to, but that has lost its touch as well.
There are nobody, no one that I maintain consistent communication with. I am alone. I was alone when I first arrived in states in 2000 but I had consistent email exchange. after a month my sister arrived in states.
So. right now. I have never been this alone. Yet, I still do not feel lonely. I only feel more independent.
There are people that I see occasionaly and two people regularly. However, just because I see them regularly, it does not mean i maintain consistent communication. We have known each other quite sometime, i would say about 3 to 4 months. We touched very basic things about our past. equivalent to what one may write on FB or CS profile. It was off to a great start because it didnt start out with passive question like where in the social hiearchy do you fit in, tell me how much money you are worth. tell me things that you own. tell me what you have in your brain that is worth money. this is probably US too. yet from the travel, i have never felt this more strongly than colombia.
perhaps that is the reason why these two people exist near me.
back in States, i used to get to know people based on tangible information, facts, interesting sharable stories and common experience that we shared such as work or snowboarding, paintballing, drugs.
now I ask less question and just be. of course this leads to less talking, more silence, just be next to each other or be in a same house, same bar, same restaurant. if someone does not who she is. if he is not aware of himself. it only contradicts with her action and makes him hipocritical without intention. people change and learn everyday. who I thoght I was is not who I am today. certain things definitely do not change. perhaps other things are just dormant waiting to burst out. but will it?
i do not find people interesting anymore. only a few. very small amount gets me ask second and third question. yet perhaps I never really found most people interesting therefore, kept asking random question to make them interesting or I was just too busy boosting my ego by putting them down meticulously.
i am not in search of meaning of life anymore. I know the meaning of life. at least mine for sure.
I think world would be a better place if people do not live by others words rather live with consequences.
i think world would be a better place if people do not define who they are through others rather with their own actions and its results.
I had this emotional detachment some time ago. It was between oct 2010 and feb 2011.
It happened in 2000
it happened in 2005
but this time its different because I do not have anyone to be detached from. sure there some friends from states that I still talk to, but that has lost its touch as well.
There are nobody, no one that I maintain consistent communication with. I am alone. I was alone when I first arrived in states in 2000 but I had consistent email exchange. after a month my sister arrived in states.
So. right now. I have never been this alone. Yet, I still do not feel lonely. I only feel more independent.
There are people that I see occasionaly and two people regularly. However, just because I see them regularly, it does not mean i maintain consistent communication. We have known each other quite sometime, i would say about 3 to 4 months. We touched very basic things about our past. equivalent to what one may write on FB or CS profile. It was off to a great start because it didnt start out with passive question like where in the social hiearchy do you fit in, tell me how much money you are worth. tell me things that you own. tell me what you have in your brain that is worth money. this is probably US too. yet from the travel, i have never felt this more strongly than colombia.
perhaps that is the reason why these two people exist near me.
back in States, i used to get to know people based on tangible information, facts, interesting sharable stories and common experience that we shared such as work or snowboarding, paintballing, drugs.
now I ask less question and just be. of course this leads to less talking, more silence, just be next to each other or be in a same house, same bar, same restaurant. if someone does not who she is. if he is not aware of himself. it only contradicts with her action and makes him hipocritical without intention. people change and learn everyday. who I thoght I was is not who I am today. certain things definitely do not change. perhaps other things are just dormant waiting to burst out. but will it?
i do not find people interesting anymore. only a few. very small amount gets me ask second and third question. yet perhaps I never really found most people interesting therefore, kept asking random question to make them interesting or I was just too busy boosting my ego by putting them down meticulously.
i am not in search of meaning of life anymore. I know the meaning of life. at least mine for sure.
I think world would be a better place if people do not live by others words rather live with consequences.
i think world would be a better place if people do not define who they are through others rather with their own actions and its results.
No comments:
Post a Comment