Happiest that I can be

 It's been some time now. I have been quite content and satisfied with my life. Well the drive for the purpose and ambition is still there. Yet quite different than before. Before like in the 20's.

It has been long time coming to feel this way.  

To start off with, I have never been a pessimistic person. Worst I can be is a just plain realist. 

To me and for me, life is like a wine and cheese, it only gets better as it ages. 

I have been thinking about this quite sometime lately, but I couldn't dare to say in front of people. I was afraid that I might seem narcissistic, egotistical or arrogant. I know there are many people who are not quite happy with their life. If I ask how they feel about their job which consumes large part of their life, they may not answer with gratitude or satisfaction. For me to say what I feel might come across as a slap in the face. 

So. Here I am. The one place that I can just let out. 

Turning point was around 2011. My life was at my worst point. I was miserable. Depressed. Colors were dull and life was meaningless. I kept fighting this sickness for 6 months and the solution was to eat some magic mushroom, have a epiphany and start traveling. 

Traveling through Central and South America in 2012 was cool, fun, and unforgettable. I was already having a great time and forgotten all about what happened in 2011. However, the real turning point came with a lesson. 

1. Life of minimalist. 

To be a minimalist is not about accumulating less. It's about attachment. Attachment has been the single greatest lesson I have learned in order for me to continue to be content, satisfied, happy and continuously get better like wine, and most importantly helps me persevere during the dark times. Not being attached to things and relationship, to me is true minimalism. It has less to do with owning less, keeping your house or life simple. They all come when you focus on losing the attachment. 

2. Relationship

The single most important relationship you can have in your life is with yourself. You have to be confident in who you are. To have the confidence, you must have the self respect. To have the self respect, you have to give a shit about what you do in your daily life. To give shit about what you do, you must have a good intent. So. try to be a good, so you can respect yourself, and have the confidence to go in the direction of your dreams. How can you be a good partner to your loved one or your family when you are not solid on your own. If you are not solid, you will find yourself depending on others for happiness. 

3. State of mind

Close your eyes and remain calm. Maybe close your eyes. Try to ignore everything you hear or feel. Be absolutely silent. Then you will find yourself, well, you will find your mind talking. Then tell your mind to shut up, perhaps focus on breathing and just be silent. Then it will be quiet and before you know it your mind is talking again. This is quite difficult if you try it. Your mind is constantly talking. When you can't even silence your own mind, you are exposed to your surroundings constantly talking to you. It could be people sitting across the table at the restaurant talking, friends telling you how to live your life, internet, phone notifications, etc. While this is happening, can you hold your ground to be never let your emotion be swayed by any of these influences and be at the middle and center at all times. If you can be in the middle and center at all times, then you are a buddha and Jesus or at that godly level. I am nowhere close, but this is what I strive towards and life only gets better with this as a goal. Striving to be aware of my state of mind leads to nirvana or enlightenment, the zen says. 

4. Decompress

Your mind is like your body, it gets dirty if you don't wash it. Some people go to church to wash the mind, some people meditate, some people exercise, some people go to nature. For me, seeing the beauties of nature and seeing acts of generosity and kindness of people does it. Every time. Especially the nature part. What a greatest feeling, going so deep in the wilderness that you don't see a single human being for five hours, walking around in your underwear in the middle of the desert, talk to God, bugs, donkeys, birds and stars. It already makes me smile just writing about this. You can see what this place was like thousands years ago before this civilization and invasion of people. Silence and peace. 

5. Share

There is a guy from Georgia from the book Into the Wild. At his dying moment, in school bus in Alaska, he said that true happiness is only when you get to share. It's truth. We are social animals. For example, when I watch a great ball game alone at home, I have a good time. But when I go to the stadium and watch with friends and thousands of people, I'm ecstatic. When I know it is one of the most special nature location then I save it so I can go with someone. To share that jaw dropping, awe moment together with whoever I am with. Why do you think social media is so powerful and have changed the world?

I am so grateful that I feel content, satisfied and happy. I have been feeling this way for quite sometime but I have been afraid to share, afraid that they may not be so content with their life. I am sure this life will hit me with a brick sometime. So I write this so that I can remember how to get back on the horse again when that happens. 

Frederic Douglass said, "we are not measured by height we've risen, but we are measured by the depth we've climbed" 

Who do I owe this pleasure to? Probably Ben and Angelica. And Couchsurfing. 

 

Hello Again

There was a legal battle between Joynus Care and another company. 

My blog was used by plaintiff company in their pitiful attack. 

I think that was one of the reason I stopped writing. 

How wonderful is it to just write down your thoughts freely without consequence, without judgment, and just be absolutely honest. 

Writing helps clear thoughts. 

I used to write. 

These days. I take picture and videos. 

Yes, the picture is worth a thousand of words and the video is 30 pictures per second, but there is something so miraculous about written words. 

I think it's because it attracts the imagination of the individual that reads.

Someone recently told me about beauty of reading was in the leaving the reality into the imaginative world when I mentioned that I only read non fiction. 

and that someone also told me about McKittrick Hotel in New York. A newly finished hotel was locked two days after WWII and recently opened as a alternative theatrical and I found it fascinating. not really about the Shakespeare plays but the venue itself. 

What is it about me that attracted to locations?

What is it about me that I see a picture of a location and have a burning desire to go there. To take a photo? no. Photo is just a proof. showing off. I want to see it with my own eyes and the adventure of getting there. Yes, there have been some occasions I say "what.. this is it?" 

Perhaps I'm bored and getting to place is just substitute. 

I could easily have fun socializing and being involved in intellect pulsing conversation. That used to be so fun in Seattle. I think over the years of living in Georgia that was not around and substituted with beauties of nature. 

I used to be just a city boy.  Wake up on the box. Get in the box to transport me so I can stare at the box all day and repeat. 

Yes. there was romance in my life. Zeal and belief. There was. What's in my life now?

I thought I am content, happy and satisfied that social life, relationship was not necessary. Romantic relationship, love has not been a priority for a long time. 

I didn't want to force it certainly, and definitely not in a rush. 

In the beginning of moving to CA, yes there was loneliness. A familiar feeling that I have experienced before. Yet with confidence I knew how to resist and stand my ground. But the distant hollowness in my chest was keep calling me. Whenever I felt that way, I moved my body. Transport it to a location. It was a distraction. Distract my eyes with beauties of nature. The hollowness was forgotten. Nature, motorcycle riding, golf, have consumed the hollowness. 

And now...

I'm in Seoul. 

Is something about to spark? or is this just another fluke like before. 

I want to put my whole heart in it but I'm afraid. Afraid that I will get hurt? please Chisung Lee. You've never really got hurt. The only time you got hurt, you asked for it. You've never really let yourself completely out of your guard. You probably don't even know how to be vulnerable totally. 

Do you remember that time you wanted to feel a broke heart? 

I wonder what my life would've been life if I didn't go through that. 

Would my life have been as awesome as last ten years? awww yes. it's been 10 years. 

Is this an end of chapter or beginning of a chapter?

I know I'm rambling, but it's been more than a year since my last visit here. 

Here is where I stand in relation to what I have written here in the past. 

Spirituality, Karma, mind, body, money, ambition, Jesus, Buddha, Universe, God, Nirvana, excitement, stimulation, happiness, death, relationship, contentment, psychedelic, minimalism... yes I remember them all still. I still talk about some to some people. 

None of these are important. 

Yes... may I dare I say none of these are important. 

what's important is 

whoever you are, you just spent your precious time to read this. 😂

Thanks for reading my nonsense.